Clean Slate

(150 words)

Breathless, she steadies herself against the front door, turns to survey her morning’s toil. A clear path shovelled through the driveway snow. She realises she’s smiling, unforced.

Her son heaves the head onto a lopsided snowman, the ground around him carved deep with snow angels. “Good job, Mum!” he waves. She flushes, does a graceful bow.

There’s nothing of the past in this moment. No echo-memories of sharp splintered words hurled like knives, of treasured mementos filched from the mantelpiece ‘in the interest of equity’, of venomous barbs hissed down the phone.

Just the blissful truth of clean, right-angles of red brick; the leisurely V of geese barking overhead; the endless sky above, cloudless and shockingly blue; a breeze rustling the silver birch, its skeletal fingers clutching skywards; melting snow dripping off the roof. Her hands prickled with cold. Her heart, beating hard inside her chest, reminding her she’s alive.

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5 thoughts on “Clean Slate

  1. Lovely and descriptive. You definitely have a way with words. It’s evocative and paints the picture of serenity and newly formed bliss. I like how the admiration of the path shovelled in the snow is a metaphor for the reward of having a new outlook on life after toiling through all the trials and tribulations of a divorce. This is just my personal opinion so please do take it with a pinch of salt. Although the last paragraph is beautifully written, I think it has a bit too many overdescriptive sentences with a lot of adjectives. Maybe write one or 2 descriptive sentences. It may pack a heavier punch but it’s great work nonetheless 🙂

    https://onlyindreamssite.wordpress.com

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you ever so much! I really appreciate such detailed feedback. Love your take on it – I hadn’t written it with that metaphor in mind, but thank you for bringing a new perspective to it. Very true – run-on sentences can be pretty dragging for the reader especially if they’re just being told rather than shown the scene. Great advice! ❤
      There's a good mix of short stories already up, so I'd love to hear what you think of them!

      Like

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